Teach Me How To Say Sorry
by Valour Godspell
Summary: Suzume Jager had a very rocky past, but was saved by Labrador when she was still a young child. However, she's still as reckless as she was when she had first arrived at the Barsburg Church and still continues to venture out and away from safety. When Labrador tries to keep her away from the danger, Suzume acts unexpectedly. Who's at fault? OC
1. Chapter 1

**Ha, this actually started out as a one-shot for Teito Klein.**

**After the first few paragraphs, however, I realized that the idea was better suited for our purple-eyed bishop, tweaked the concept a bit, and VOILÀ! The first chapter was born! I already know what the second chapter is going to be like and will get on it immediately.**

**In the meantime, enjoy!**

_All characters are owned by Yuki Amemiya and Yukino Ichihara, except for Suzume Jager and Caelus (although the idea of the Fyulong is theirs)._

**llll-llll-llll-llll-llll-llll**

_Looks like I might've pushed it a bit too far again._

More and more bandits are heading in my direction and I will be a lot happier if I can come out unscathed. Unfortunately, the only exit that I can find at the moment is the unopened window coming up in front of me. So, I have a decision to make.

Well, I think I'm going to go with falling to my death.

I drop my shoulder and listen to the musical sound of the shattering glass as I plummet towards the ground below. I make sure the small pouch is still attached to my belt and then I take both of my index fingers and let out a screeching whistle. All I have to do now is wait for my ride to pick me up. As I wait, I enjoy the breeze whipping past me as I continue to gain speed.

_SCREEEEEEEEE!_

I flip over in mid-air and I immediately feel the soles of my boots brush against something soft as I begin to rise higher into the sky. I drop into a crouch on my friend's back and grab on to his fur. In exhilaration, I shout, "Yeeeeeaaahhhh! Ha ha!"

I catch a glimpse of the broken window and see the bandits cursing and growling at me. To make a point, I wink at them and give a small wave of good-bye as the tower shrinks. Once it's gone in the distance, I turn to my friend and settle myself comfortably on his fluffy pink back.

_Suzume Jager, I told you not to call too late, _my friend reprimands me. _What would you have done if I wasn't fast enough? You were falling from thirty stories high!_

"Caelus, I'm okay," I scratch him behind his hare-like ear and I feel him purring beneath me. "The only reason I'm as reckless as I am is because I have an awesome partner-in-crime. I could've also used my zaiphon to break my fall if worse came to worst. You know me better than that."

The adolescent Fyulong dragon only sighs and flaps his powerful wings once, shooting off into the clouds and sending shots of adrenaline crashing through my veins. I let out a whoop of excitement and I can feel Caelus humming beneath me, putting me into an even better mood. I whistle the Raggs Requiem to myself and enjoy the ride.

I understand that my dragon companion cares about me, but I'm strong enough to take care of myself. I've been through enough that a little fall like that couldn't hurt me too much. Absentmindedly, my hand travels up my arm and traces the tiny little scars that I brought with me from my last profession. Then, my knuckle hits the goggles hanging around my neck and my thoughts turn to him, to my violet-eyed hero and his beautiful flowers. I smile to myself and Caelus feels the change in my mood. He shifts questioningly and I tickle him behind his ear again as we descend into the Barsburg Church.

-x~*=~*=~*=~*=~*=~*=~*x-

Labrador's been my best friend since forever. I know about his past and his strange little quirks. The first day I met him, I was still a naive preteen who wanted to know if he was a girl or a boy. Being the kind man he is, he told me fairly bluntly and then I was reprimanded by being hung upside down with a plant tendril. Afterward, he kindly gave me a silver rose and told me to be careful. He still hangs me when he thinks I'm not listening. Days after, he found me crying in a corner and asked me why. When I told him about Frau picking on me because of my history as a battle sklave, he promptly stood up and walked off. I quickly brushed off my tears and followed him to see what he was going to do and found him telling off the bishop who didn't say a word about it afterward until I finally got over my past. A few years later, when I was about 14 years old, I wanted to help him with his roses after training with Frau and he let me. I guess I was fairly exhausted because, when I woke up the next morning, Lab had his arms around me and we were under a tree. And Castor had found us first. You can probably tell how awkward it was trying to explain what happened. We'd been through a lot together, and I knew that he was a ghost but that didn't bug me as much as his habit of sleeping in the most random of places.

After Caelus had left to hunt in the area, I was given a lot of time to myself. I wasn't quite sure what I was going to do, but I soon found myself in Labrador's favourite place drinking tea and chatting casually with him. This is where I currently am, a cookie in my hand and laughing at his stories of the other bishops and the strange predicaments that they found themselves in. After a short silence, however, the air grows tense and I know what's coming.

"Suzume, I have to tell you something before things get serious," Profe's reincarnation clasps his hands in front of his mouth and stares at me intently. I can only sigh and slouch in my chair as I wait for him to butcher my happiness into tiny edible pieces. "You have to stop going out on heists like the one today. You know how dangerous it is for you to be going out on your own, especially since they're out there looking everywhere for their prize sklave."

"You're overreacting, Lab. I'm stronger than the ten year old that first set foot inside the Church and it's been years. They probably forgot about me." I try to comfort him and change his mind about my way of trying to avert imminent boredom but he holds onto my hands and shakes his head. He may not seem the type, but he can hold his own in an argument and he can bring up points that are nearly impossible to argue with.

I know that I have to be careful of what I'm doing now that I'm branded as an escapee and the mark on my back only acts as more of a spotlight on me. Although I did say that they forgot, I know that the traffickers wouldn't. Being their best fighter, they put me into some underground fights and I never lost. It served as training and a source of income, but my sanity was slowly being exhausted because they were always anything-goes death matches and I saw more than I should've at that age. One day, I decided that I was through with them and fled here. Since then, I've been dropping into several of their hideouts and ransacking them for revenge. On one of my excursions last year, I was almost recaptured. Luckily, Teito Klein was there to help and we ended up returning with dozens of bruises and scratches. You have no idea how much Lab fussed over me that day. It was embarrassing to say the least.

"I know, but I'm still worried about the nineteen-year-old who's still as reckless as the little girl from that day." He squeezes my hands tighter and I blush slightly while looking down. He must have mistaken the gesture as impatience because I'm plucked out of my chair by one of his silver rose bushes and hanging by my arms in an instant. I feel more branches slither around my legs, presumably so that I wouldn't be able to run from him.

Labrador stands up and gracefully walks over to where I'm being held. His usually calm face is now slightly tainted by impatience and irritation which is most likely the mirror image of mine. I hate it when he does this to me to make sure I'm paying attention. My thoughts are almost always about him, whether I like it or not.

"Suzume, you have to listen to me. As much as I hate to restrain you from what you want to do my first priority is keeping you safe and that's final."

"Quit treating me like I'm incapable of handling myself! You know full well that I can take care of anything that comes my way, whether it's a Kor or not!"

"Well you certainly look like you're incapable of any action at the moment! You're too full of pride, Jager, and one day it will be your downfall."

I growl at him and my golden eyes bore into his violet orbs. I'm stuck here because Labrador knows I won't cut down the roses. They're as important to me as they are to him and I would probably cry harder over them than he would. However, he's slowly starting to creep across the undrawn line and I do stupid things when I get angry.

"You know how unpredictable I am when you piss me off, Lab. Don't do it." I try to wriggle free of my bonds, but they only contract even more and the thorns are beginning to draw blood. I can practically feel Lab's annoyance through the vines on my wrists.

"I know, but that doesn't mean I won't try to do it anyway. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you from causing trouble," he says, his rage blatantly obvious in every word.

"_Excuse _me_?_ _I'm_ the one causing trouble?" I spit at him and he narrows his eyes.

He gently takes me by the chin and tilts it up ever so slightly. His voice drops dangerously low and menacing as he whispers into my ear, "You have no idea, _little girl_."

That is _it_! I'm done with the parenting act. He can't put all the blame on me without expecting a backlash.

The hidden blades on my wrists unsheathe themselves and cut my hands free. The blades on the heels of my boots shoot out, and in a flurry of blades and petals I'm free of my bonds. On an ordinary day, I would've found the glimmering petals fluttering above our heads a very romantic scene, but this isn't just an average day.

"Don't try to find me, Ilyusha," I say, using the name from his past. Before I leap away, I catch a glimpse of the bishop cringing and reaching out for me. He's merely a blink of an eye too late, but by then I'm halfway out of the western greenhouse and sprinting with the tears in my eyes blinding me.

I charge out of the doors and away from the Church before anyone can stop me. I don't stop until I lose myself within an area of the district that I've never been to and I whistle for Caelus. A short moment later, he arrives and the moment he sees my face he understands. I hop on his back, lie down, and cry as he takes off into the air and takes me away. Where to I'm not sure yet, but all I need is to get as far away from him as I can.

S_uzume,_ Caelus speaks softly as if he doesn't want to startle the wild animal riding upon his back. _Will you be okay?_

I don't have the strength to reply, nor do I want to. I only tap his back with my fist once, and he nods. He goes into a swooping dive to gain speed and I begin to cry harder as I realize that I'm leaving behind the only home I ever knew.

The three most horrific things I have ever done had happened within less than ten minutes. Number three was having a massive argument with someone who was once my best friend. Two was cutting our beloved silver roses. At the top of my list is hurting him. In my heart, I know that he will forgive me.

But that doesn't mean that I can forgive myself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Oh. My gosh.**

**Nearly at the end of this, I contracted writer's block. Yes, the dreaded **_**writer's block.**_** EW. I managed to push through it, however, and it made me so, so happy when I finished. You have no idea. Oh, and the white hair thing. I looked it up and it supposedly isn't possible but I thought it would be okay because in my world, I like fictional things.**

**Well, then. Enjoy my blood, sweat, and tears.  
PS. I love clichés. Just putting that out there.**

_All characters are owned by Yuki Amemiya and Yukino Ichihara, except for Suzume Jager and Caelus (although the idea of the Fyulong is theirs)._

**llll-llll-llll-llll-llll-llll**

_You have no idea how much I miss you._

It's been two months since _she _left. Since then, I haven't been quite the same. I snap at people when they do something wrong, I can't face any of my friends, I can hardly keep my eyes closed at night, and people are beginning to realize that I'm losing my sanity. Maybe I've already lost myself.

I'm sitting by the fountain, rolling the necklace from the small pouch she dropped that night. The pendant is of a beautifully carved sparrow sleeping in a bundle of roses. The roses are silver-stemmed and have golden blooms while the hummingbird is an untarnished clear crystal that could blind you. It's strung on a thin leather cord. I want to know why she was carrying this around the night she left instead of wearing it. I can only theorize what her intentions were now.

I close my eyes and the events of that day flash by my eyes. Her golden eyes staring at me as I try not to show her how I was affected by it, the rage that emanated from the both of us mingling with each other, her blades slashing through my roses-

Oh, the flowers.

I haven't visited the greenhouse since. I can't find the need to and they only serve to remind me of her. It would create the opposite effect of what I've been trying to achieve these past weeks. But I suppose that if I were to visit...

"Labrador," a voice beside me says gently. "You have to stop doing this to yourself."

"I'm merely thinking to myself, Castor. You can't expect me to stop doing what's natural." I turn to the russet-headed bishop and give him a faint smile. I can't remember the last time I smiled properly. Hell, I'm not even _living_ properly.

Castor sighs and takes my wrist, leading me away from the fountain. I wave good-bye to Razette, who had appeared the moment Castor approached me, and I begin to wonder where my friend could be taking me. When I recognize the path, I instinctively dig my heels into the ground and begin to tremble. Castor immediately stops and realizes that something's not quite right, but he can't do a damn thing about it because he has no idea what I'm feeling.

My whole being feels as if it's about to erupt. I hug myself to try and keep my despair from spilling out, but I'm losing the battle by a long shot. I fall to my knees and shut my eyes as everything I had been keeping inside threatens to rip apart my being and leave me with nothing but an empty shell and a disheartened soul.

I didn't think ghosts could ever feel this way. Sure, I have emotions, but I tend to be a bit impartial to them and instead put on a calm front. Ever since I'd been reincarnated I have allowed myself to feel them, but they had never been as strong, dark, or forceful as the ones I'm feeling now. I'm not even sure I have names for all of them.

"Lab," Castor whispers while trying to calm me as best he can. "I wasn't sure if I should tell you this, but I have information concerning Suzume."

Without a second thought, I nail a right hook into his face, pin him to the ground and growl, "Don't you dare say her name!"

"Don't you want to know where she is?" I gasp and my chest begins to flare up. It's all I can do to stand up and help Castor to his feet. After taking a deep breath and relaxing just a tiny fraction, I turn to walk away. But the moment I do it I'm stopped by Castor's ghost strings. I grit my teeth as he forces me to turn around and he looks sadly at me. I cast my gaze down to try to save what pride I have left.

Pride. Ha. I told her that it would be her downfall, and yet here I am trying to save my own sorry ass. I should try listening to my own advice sometime.

I can't resist when I'm thrown into the air and suspended a few feet above the ground. As Castor walks toward the garden, the tethers tighten and then drag me along behind him. The closer I get to the greenhouse, the more obvious the neglect is. Most of the plants are either dead or dying, and I don't see any colour on the pathway besides the grass. Even then, it's pushing it a bit too far because the blades have turned a sickly yellow.

As I'm lowered to my feet, I turn to see that nothing in the place I hold dear to me is growing anymore. All there is to see is dirt, dying thorn bushes, and couple of decorations which are slowly being withered away by the weather. Unknowingly, I step towards the place where my roses were planted and I take off my gloves to brush away the thorny bushes. There, I find my one ray of hope.

I will the silver bloom to grow towards me and as it does, I'm filled with images of a girl with long, snow-coloured hair tied into a fishtail braid that ends at her hips. She has her back to me and wears tight clothing that exposes her midsection, most of her legs and part of her arms. The brand of a sklave is burned into her lower back. Her gloves have blades attached to her wrists that can spin on its sheath and her knee high boots have blades attached to the heel. Blood is splattered all over her body in a way that's more artful than gory, and the more I stare at her the more familiar I find her.

As she turns, I realize that she's wearing tinted goggles and that the remains around her are of humans, most likely prisoners that were to be executed. The crowd around her cheers and roars for more bloodshed whilst throwing numerous Yuus into the ring. She frowns even more and collects a few Yuus, pockets them, and proceeds to walk out of the arena.

"Where're you goin'? You gotta keep fightin' and gettin' me some money, girl!" A man who is heavily intoxicated grabs her by the arm. Before anyone can stop her, an arm flashes by and he's decapitated. The girl's hand is drenched with blood, but she disdainfully flicks if off with a twitch of her wrist. She continues out of the seemingly abandoned building and climbs the stairs to the roof, where she sits down and stares up at the stars twinkling in dark sky. The moon had passed its zenith slightly and was already on its way down.

She takes her goggles off, and those gorgeous golden eyes blink a few times to focus themselves. She turns to stare at me, as if I'm right there beside her. She whispers, "I told you not to look for me."

I gasp and clutch my head, becoming conscious of the fact that it had all been a vision. I've never had such a vivid image of the future, but that could mean I'm meant to find her, wherever she may be. Maybe I'm just being delusional but that doesn't matter because I know what I have to do. I have to find my feral-eyed girl and bring her back. It's a promise that I'm going to have to break.

"So, I guess you've made up your mind then, eh?" I turn to find Castor and Frau at the door. "Mind telling us what you saw when you fell unconscious?"

"What?" I suddenly notice that I'm lying in my bedroom and that the covers have fallen off of me. I feel a weight hanging on my arm and raise it to find the necklace she dropped wrapped around my wrist several times. "When did this happen?"

"A few hours ago. It's an hour past midnight now," Castor replies, walking to the side of my bed. "You were in the greenhouse with me, remember? The moment you touched the bloom of the rose you fainted. I was worried about whether you would wake up or not."

"This has never happened before, so I'm assuming that something different happened this time around." Frau stands beside Castor and I wrap my arms around my legs as I recount the scene I was shown. The two of them frown and look at each other, doubtful of my ability to see into the future for once.

"I have a few questions," Castor looks at me and sits down on the bed. "You said the girl had long white hair. Didn't she have medium length black locks when she left?"

"I heard that some people's hair turn white due to extreme grief or shock. It's possible that her last night here still haunts her, so I'm not surprised. As for the long hair, I remember her telling me about how fast her hair grew and that she hated it." I gave them a faint smile as I recalled a story she told me about. When she was small, she let it grow until she could use it as a whip. After a few battles, she decided that cleaning it every night was too taxing and decided to cut off the bloodied strands.

"Alright, then how about when she looked at you and told you that she didn't want to be found?" Frau asks.

"I can't really answer that. I'm still terribly unsure about that part. It seemed as if she were actually talking to me, but how can that be possible if I were sometime into the future?" I wonder aloud. Then, a thought comes to me and I add, "What if it wasn't the future? What if it was the present?"

Frau and Castor look at each other, surprise etched on their faces. I guess the thought didn't occur to them either. Castor turns to me and nods toward the window. I stretch myself out before walking towards the glass pane, and when I find the moon in a similar position to when I had seen her I turn back and nod. My friends are deep in thought and look at each other before informing me of the thoughts that had crossed both their minds.

"You were in your ghost form. That's why she was the only one who could see you," Castor states.

"Why would I be in my ghost form unwillingly?" I ask, not really wanting to know the answer for fear of what it could be.

"You're attracted to her soul, Profe," Frau steps in, a rare bit of concern in his tone of voice. "You're unconsciously trying to consume her."


	3. Chapter 3

**This is not good.  
****I have no idea where this story could possibly be taking me. I don't know how to end it because I'm not sure if I want all this angst or if I want that happy and nearly improbable ending to happen! I feel like I'm watching a drama and I want it to go one way but kinda want it to happen another way and I'm just so torn! I'll, uh, figure something out...I hope.  
****Meanwhile, enjoy my little concoction! Sorry it's a bit short!**

_All characters are owned by Yuki Amemiya and Yukino Ichihara, except for Suzume Jager and Caelus (although the idea of the Fyulong is theirs)._

**llll-llll-llll-llll-llll-llll**

I sit at the windowsill and wonder about what it is I know now. All of it is just adding up to more questions that I have no answers for and all of those answerless questions lead to at least three more that are impossible to inquire about. I continue staring out the window, lulling over the choices I have.

This is how Teito finds me when he timidly knocks on the door and peers through a crack. I nod once without looking at him and he lets himself in quietly, trying not to disturb the fragile peace contained within the room. He waits patiently until I stand, stretch myself out like a rubber band, and watch him in turn. We stay in this position for a few minutes.

"You're going after her, aren't you?" Teito's voice is soft but firm. I nod and he lets out a breath of relief. He probably didn't notice that he'd been holding onto it at all. When he looks back at me, he smiles and I can't help but smile back at him. I surprise myself; I haven't truly smiled since she left.

As the silence between us deepens, I stare at this boy and realize how fascinating humans are. We may not be so special in the long run, but we all have a part to play in the world. What it may be is yet to be determined by our actions and the people we meet with. As this begins to dawn on me, I take a deep breath and release it slowly. Everything is the same, and yet it all looks slightly brighter than a moment before and I feel as if the clouds are rolling back.

My smile grows into a timid grin and I discover that it had begun to feel foreign to me. Everything begins to crawl back to me and I tell myself that I can't continue to brood upon my situation like this. I have to do something, and I will.

"I have to find Suzume and bring her back," I reply. Saying her name again after so long is a strange feeling. But it's a good feeling, too. "And I think I know where to start."

-x~*=~*=~*=~*=~*=~*=~*x-

"If you're correct and I'm attracted to Suzume's soul, then I should be able to figure out where she is through that connection." As I explain my plan to find her, Frau and Castor jerk back in their seats, stunned.

"Y-you're saying her name again?" Frau asks with an astounded expression. He turns to look at Castor, and the russet-haired bishop can only watch me with his mouth agape.

"Yeah, I guess I am," I reply, sheepishly. I feel a slight blush crawl into my cheeks and then it's my turn to be surprised. I look down to try to cover it, but it's too late and the two of them are already on my case, peering down into my face.

"That's cute, Lab. Glad you found someone." I know that Frau's only joking but that doesn't make it any better and I can feel my face turning an even deeper red. I'm not even sure how blushing is possible since I'm technically dead.

"I had my suspicions since that day I found you under a tree with her," Castor adds, making it even more difficult for me to keep my emotions in check.

"Shut up!" I inch away from the two interrogators with a sulky look on my face. "Can we just get back to the topic here?"

"Alright! Fine! Sheesh, can't take a joke?" Frau quickly sits himself down, but Castor rubs my head affectionately before taking his time to get back to his seat in the barren greenhouse. "So, tell us. Right at this moment, do you know where Jager is?"

I twitch when he says her name and he stiffens. When he figures out that I'm not going to punch him like I did Castor, he relaxes and I give him an apologetic smile before continuing.

"I can't pinpoint her exact location, but I know the general direction she's headed in," I inform them. "If I can figure out a way to travel faster than her, I should be able to intercept her at some point and convince her to come back."

"Look, we understand that you want her back, but you have more pressing duties here at the Church and there's no telling whether you'll consume her soul or not if you do find her. We need a better reason for you to go, Lab." Castor has the most serious look on his face than I'd ever seen. But I know that they're cracking and I just need to push them a bit more to the edge and I'll be able to go after Suzume.

"Are you saying that forgiving a family member isn't a good enough reason?" I plead, trying to end this discussion quickly and in my favour. If I ever want a chance at catching her then I need to leave as soon as possible. Another moment and I could lose her trail; I don't need them knowing that she's distant enough for the connection to be severed. "She's more than a sister to the rest of you and there's no doubt in my mind that you want her back as much as I do. She was important to our cause, and she's also an important person in our lives. I can figure out a way to restrain myself from taking her soul on the way there. Just please let me go after her!"

"As long as you come back within the month," Castor replies without hesitation and I'm taken aback for a short moment. It seems that he's thought this through already and he knew my arguments before I had even begun to voice them. Nevertheless, I grin at my companions and the instant I do the greenhouse explodes to life, literally. The blooms are twice as large as they usually are and their hues more vivid than I've ever seen before. I guess they can feel my happiness and are rather excited that I've come back to my original self.

"Alright! Within the month, Castor! Take care of the greenhouse for me while I'm away, you two!" I shout while I quickly rush out and jump on a Hawkzile. The moment it takes off and speeds away from the church, I holler with glee. I've never felt such strong emotion before and the exhilaration frees me from the rest of the bonds that I've tied myself to over the course of the past couple of months.

I zip away from the church grounds and hold out my left arm. The necklace that has been wrapped around my wrist since Suzume left dangles for a moment before a thin silver line shoots out and points south. As I change direction it flashes gold and grows warm for a moment before reverting to its original state. I stare at the sparrow charm for a moment, dumbfounded. This has never happened before, but I quickly shake it off and decide that I'll figure out the rest of its perks later. The only thing that I'm certain about is that its guiding me towards the one I want the most.

_Suzume, I'm coming. Don't be reckless, young Huntress.*_

A small breeze gently travels past, scattering the leaves of the trees below me as I head toward District 6. A sparrow announces my arrival and takes flight into the unknown.

_llll-llll-llll-llll-llll-llll_

*Ah, just a small note here. Jager, means "Hunter". Lab is just using a reference to her name. I changed it to its feminine form to suit my purposes.  
As well, Suzume means "Sparrow", so I thought I would use that here, too. Don't worry, it's meaningful.


End file.
